Saturday, 16 February 2013

A ‘how to’ guide: How to become Leonidis - from the movie 300 by Mark Spiteri North Campus

Have you ever watched the movie 300 and wondered how the heck King Leonidis is the way he is? Well if you haven’t, watch it! To become King Leonidis it only takes 6 easy steps, tune in to find out how.

Step 1 Become the king of Sparta (a city in Greece) -  not a hard thing to do for the average person. Just walk up to the current king, kill him and then take his crown, sit on his throne. And there you go, step 1 finished.

Step 2 This step is the hardest – get a deep voice. If you are not born with a deep voice, your journey ends here. With a deep voice you sound more demanding then the average male.

Step 3 Grow a Spartan beard, people! For the average male who can grow facial hair this is the easiest step of them all. If you can’t grow facial hair your journey ends here!

Step 4 Get a tank body. To achieve this you must become a 24/7 gym junkie for 8 weeks to get your body in pristine condition like the Spartans in the movie. If you are not committed your journey ends here!

Step 5 Now this step is the most time consuming of them all, in fact this step takes years to do. This step consists of three things, one, get a hot wife to be your queen, two, have a boy, and three, train him in the Spartan ways to be king after you die. What? You thought you would be king forever? Well no, everybody has to die at some time in life. If you can’t have kids, your journey ends here!

Step 6 If you have made it this far I congratulate you, king (put name here), because this step is the easiest of them all. Acquire heaps of weapons to fight with. Just get your blacksmith to make your weapons and you are all set to go and take down the Persian army, Good Luck!

If you have watched the movie you should know how it all ends, I’m not going to tell you, that is for you to find out. 

To be continued…
P.S.    King Leonidis gets killed by the Persian army. 

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